The decision to adopt is something that takes a lot of time and heart to heart discussion, but for Ryan and I this decision was actually something we had oddly enough decided shortly after getting married. 

Ryan and I have been married now for almost 20 years, and still I remember people asking right after we got married, “so, when are you guys having kids?”.  Both of us in our early 20’s, we knew we wanted to have kids one day, but we had several goals we wanted to achieve first.  Goals for our marriage in building a strong foundation, financial goals, and career goals we wanted to meet.   Throughout the years we would have conversations about when is the right time to start having kids, and many shared with us, you can’t plan everything out, it is never going to be the ‘right’ time.  Though this may be true for some, we had a different opinion.

Early on in our marriage, we considered that one day we would like to adopt.  We had such great discussions on this topic that we had decided early on, if we are going to have kids, we want to adopt.  There were too many children in this world without a home or loving parents.  I truly believe now that this was God planting a seed in both of our hearts for our future.  Years later, while in China we visited an orphanage, where these feelings began to grow even stronger.

The years went on and we continued to meet goal after goal that we had set for ourselves.  Now finding ourselves at the point in time to say, “Let’s do this”!

We decided in the fall of 2015 that we would begin by first trying to have a child naturally.  Naturally?  But, I thought you both wanted to adopt?  Having researched over the years on the process of adoption, we discovered that the road to adoption was complex and very expensive.  Honestly, we didn’t think we could afford to do it.  So, we decided, let’s try naturally first, then if that is not possible, we will do whatever we need to do to have a family.

Having been together for so many years, Ryan and I never envisioned that we would be in this situation.  The months of disappointment, turned into years.  Several tests, visits to the doctor, changes in diet, and lifestyle – nothing was working!  Every doctor we visited, kept saying it should happen for us, but still nothing.  We saw the stress and strain this was causing on both of us, both individually, and in our marriage.  It probably would’ve been just easier if someone said, ‘this just isn’t going to happen for you’, but the constant hope everyone kept giving us, was just dragging us done a path of continued disappointment.

In July 2018, we decided to reach out to an adoption agency in our city.  We attended an info session with about 20 other couples.  The presenters went through various slides talking about the different types of adoptions available, both local and international.  The stats they provided were discouraging.  Hundreds of couples were currently on the waiting list, and they had only completed a handful of adoptions that year.  Quickly doing the math, this meant we could be waiting for several years.  The other piece they added was you could be on the waiting list, and never end up with children.  How could this be?  In a world where there are millions of children without a home, and us in a position to provide a loving home, how on earth is this possible?  We left the meeting, angry and frustrated, and yet again discouraged and disappointed.  We decided, we would continue to try to have a baby on our own and whatever will be will be. 

A year later, Ryan suggested that we check out the other adoption agency in the city called UAS.  UAS advertised on their website that they specialized in Eastern European adoptions, specifically the Ukraine.  Since Ryan has a strong Ukrainian heritage, we thought, maybe this could be the right fit.  We arranged for a meeting with the director of the agency, Oleg, within a week.  A completely different experience from the first agency, Oleg, walked us through the process, a review of the financial expectations, and the most memorable part, sharing another couples journey with us.  He had a small photo album, in which the couple documented their trips to the Ukraine and their meetings with their adopted son.  The most memorable image was the picture taken in front of the courthouse in the Ukraine.  The couple standing in front with their son.  The look on the boy’s face, was elation.  He was beaming with joy, standing proud in his suit with his parents on either side.  My heart immediately melted and I thought, “that’s it, that’s what I want”.  I wanted to give a child hope, a home, a life, and to pass on every lesson in life we have learnt thus far.

Ryan and I left Oleg’s office, got in the truck, closed the doors and immediately started to embrace.  The tears would not stop.  A huge sense of relief and stress had been removed.  We don’t have to stress about wondering if we are going to have a family.  We will have a family and from what we understood, it wouldn’t take years, rather about a year and a half was the typical time range.

We looked over the materials that night, and sent Oleg the application the next day to get started.  We are going to have a family – Let’s do this!