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Preparing our Home, our Hearts, our Mind

Preparing our Home, our Hearts, our Mind

by | Feb 10, 2020 | 0 comments

One of our first activities in the process of adoption was to attend a 1 day educational seminar  in October 2019, which covered a variety of topics to help prepare us for the journey of adopting.  We heard from social workers, on some of the things we can expect as well as tips and tools available to us to help prepare us mentally in addition to preparing our home.  The most memorable moment of the day was meeting a family who had adopted 3 children from the Ukraine.  They brought their children into the room and immediately I felt my heart flutter.  The children shared some of their experiences from the orphanage and then some of the activities they did once they arrived home in Canada.  These children were so well spoken and had a joy about them that I cannot describe.  They then opened it up to questions and open discussion.  There were 2 other couples with us in the room attending the seminar.  The youngest boy leaned back in his chair, arms folded, and said, “so, how many children are you all adopting?”.  His expression was so cute, innocent, and curious. 

We left the session with so many notes and great takeaways. Things we needed to start working on to prepare our home, our hearts, and our minds.

Next step shortly after was the homestudy.  I don’t know why, but this was the part of the process I was feeling most anxious about.  I guess because my perception was that our lives would be put under a large judgement microscope and left for someone else to make the assessment.  All of my preconceived ideas and feelings turned out to be completely wrong.  We were assigned our social worker Marla and she began by asking us to complete our personal biographies in writing.  A template of about 4 pages of points that would need to be addressed when writing your autobiographies was provided.  The topics were of a wide variety talking about our families, upbringing, beliefs and plans on how would we raise children.  We spent days writing our individual bios and both found the exercise very therapeutic and interesting to put our thoughts in writing.  Ryan and I thought it would be a neat idea to write our bios individually, not discussing or sharing with each other anything we were writing until we were both finished.  Once complete, we sat down in our kitchen and read each others bio aloud.  It didn’t take long before the tears started to come.  Hearing the beautiful thoughts we each shared and how in synch we both had been was yet just another indication we were more ready now than ever for this journey.

The written exercise was then followed by 3 in person sessions with Marla.  The first 2 at her office where she ran through similar questions with us and shared stories of other couple’s experiences.  The 3rd session she came to our home to finish her assessment including a tour of our home and community.

It was about a month later we received Marla’s written homestudy assessment which was also the first time we were reading our reference letters that our family and friends had provided supporting us in our decision to adopt.  Again, we found ourselves overwhelmed with emotion.  The homestudy and beautiful words shared by all left us feeling so loved and supported.  This journey we know won’t be easy, but one thing is for sure, we are not alone.

Let’s Do This!

Let’s Do This!

by | Oct 10, 2019 | 1 comment

The decision to adopt is something that takes a lot of time and heart to heart discussion, but for Ryan and I this decision was actually something we had oddly enough decided shortly after getting married. 

Ryan and I have been married now for almost 20 years, and still I remember people asking right after we got married, “so, when are you guys having kids?”.  Both of us in our early 20’s, we knew we wanted to have kids one day, but we had several goals we wanted to achieve first.  Goals for our marriage in building a strong foundation, financial goals, and career goals we wanted to meet.   Throughout the years we would have conversations about when is the right time to start having kids, and many shared with us, you can’t plan everything out, it is never going to be the ‘right’ time.  Though this may be true for some, we had a different opinion.

Early on in our marriage, we considered that one day we would like to adopt.  We had such great discussions on this topic that we had decided early on, if we are going to have kids, we want to adopt.  There were too many children in this world without a home or loving parents.  I truly believe now that this was God planting a seed in both of our hearts for our future.  Years later, while in China we visited an orphanage, where these feelings began to grow even stronger.

The years went on and we continued to meet goal after goal that we had set for ourselves.  Now finding ourselves at the point in time to say, “Let’s do this”!

We decided in the fall of 2015 that we would begin by first trying to have a child naturally.  Naturally?  But, I thought you both wanted to adopt?  Having researched over the years on the process of adoption, we discovered that the road to adoption was complex and very expensive.  Honestly, we didn’t think we could afford to do it.  So, we decided, let’s try naturally first, then if that is not possible, we will do whatever we need to do to have a family.

Having been together for so many years, Ryan and I never envisioned that we would be in this situation.  The months of disappointment, turned into years.  Several tests, visits to the doctor, changes in diet, and lifestyle – nothing was working!  Every doctor we visited, kept saying it should happen for us, but still nothing.  We saw the stress and strain this was causing on both of us, both individually, and in our marriage.  It probably would’ve been just easier if someone said, ‘this just isn’t going to happen for you’, but the constant hope everyone kept giving us, was just dragging us done a path of continued disappointment.

In July 2018, we decided to reach out to an adoption agency in our city.  We attended an info session with about 20 other couples.  The presenters went through various slides talking about the different types of adoptions available, both local and international.  The stats they provided were discouraging.  Hundreds of couples were currently on the waiting list, and they had only completed a handful of adoptions that year.  Quickly doing the math, this meant we could be waiting for several years.  The other piece they added was you could be on the waiting list, and never end up with children.  How could this be?  In a world where there are millions of children without a home, and us in a position to provide a loving home, how on earth is this possible?  We left the meeting, angry and frustrated, and yet again discouraged and disappointed.  We decided, we would continue to try to have a baby on our own and whatever will be will be. 

A year later, Ryan suggested that we check out the other adoption agency in the city called UAS.  UAS advertised on their website that they specialized in Eastern European adoptions, specifically the Ukraine.  Since Ryan has a strong Ukrainian heritage, we thought, maybe this could be the right fit.  We arranged for a meeting with the director of the agency, Oleg, within a week.  A completely different experience from the first agency, Oleg, walked us through the process, a review of the financial expectations, and the most memorable part, sharing another couples journey with us.  He had a small photo album, in which the couple documented their trips to the Ukraine and their meetings with their adopted son.  The most memorable image was the picture taken in front of the courthouse in the Ukraine.  The couple standing in front with their son.  The look on the boy’s face, was elation.  He was beaming with joy, standing proud in his suit with his parents on either side.  My heart immediately melted and I thought, “that’s it, that’s what I want”.  I wanted to give a child hope, a home, a life, and to pass on every lesson in life we have learnt thus far.

Ryan and I left Oleg’s office, got in the truck, closed the doors and immediately started to embrace.  The tears would not stop.  A huge sense of relief and stress had been removed.  We don’t have to stress about wondering if we are going to have a family.  We will have a family and from what we understood, it wouldn’t take years, rather about a year and a half was the typical time range.

We looked over the materials that night, and sent Oleg the application the next day to get started.  We are going to have a family – Let’s do this!